You would have thought that I learned life lessons by this point. I didn't. "Ex-con", our son, and I were living like a real family. He found a job and I would stay home with our son. Our son was definitely special needs. I would have to hold him while he slept. He had to be tightly swaddled and if he felt as though he was coming loose while sleeping he would do a motion as though he was falling and then scream. Other then that he was one of the best babies ever.
I would call "true love" to talk to my daughter, but every time I would call, she was always shopping with his mom or at a play date. I found the truth in my mailbox one day. An envelope from a lady's lawyer. In it were adoption papers. I called up the lawyer and the lady said that she wanted to meet me. She was married, with three older boys, and they had God in their home. I had to meet her but there was 500 miles between her and I and I had no money to put into the gas tank of my car. Yeah, I received that letter after "ex-con" quit his job and we were broke once again.
I didn't care. I needed to get to my girl. I don't know why. Still don't. I loaded up my car with "ex-con", my son and my brother and we drove that 500 miles. How did we do it? The only way we knew how. We would fill up and drive off. I stole. When we got here, my car broke down outside of my aunt's house. Something inside me finally snapped. I broke up with "ex-con" right there in the broken car. I never cared if I ever saw him again. I was tired of hearing that we were going to be alright, but every time we turned around, we were homeless and my children were nowhere around. I know that every choice was my own, but I didn't want to hear that it was okay anymore.
Again, we were homeless and at this point, people were tired of helping me. Do you blame them? I don't because it helped me to grow. My Aunt Carol was the only one that would take me in. She had some rules though. No more "ex-con", had to have a job,no drugs, and I had to put my son into foster care. She said I I had to grow up and learn to take care of myself. She took me that night to child services to put my son into foster care. It was late, but there was a woman that came out and took him home. He wasn't but six months old and had no idea what was going on.
Carol taught me how to cook, save money, and grow up. I owe her allot. She even got me a part time job at the bar she was working. It was nice to work two jobs. That is where I met the most wonderful man ever. I was pretty depressed. I was just starting to realize that I did all of this to the ones that I loved. It became a hard thing to swallow. Waking up clear was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I sat with Jason and laughed so hard, but he didn't know who I was. After we met, he started hearing things about me. He knew I had three kids and none of them lived with me. He would hear things like, "she's a deadbeat mom", "she's a slut and doesn't know what birth control is", "she's a drug addict". Nobody asked me why I didn't have my children, so people just assumed that I beat them.
Jason, however, sat me down one night, and asked me. I never told anyone, because nobody asked. I just didn't think anybody would care. He cared enough to sit and listen. Just as you sit and read. It means the world to me that you want to know the truth, just as he did. I never thought that he would fall in love with me. He even went with me to visit my son.
We would go and visit my son once a week. His foster mother was so good with him. Her daughters that she had already adopted, loved him. They were always playing with him. He needed the extra stimuli. It was good for him. She came to me one day and told me she wanted to adopt him. I finally had my own apartment and no man living with me this time. I asked for Carol's and Jason's guidance on this. They were able to put the pros and cons in front of me. This lady's life compared to my life.
One of the hardest things was sitting in a courtroom saying that I would think my son's best interest was with somebody else. This time I was able to leave feeling for the first time that I did something right. Jason was with me the whole time and we were even able to get "ex-con" to see that this would open so many doors for our son. It did by the way. She has done so much for him. His chances were so much better with him.
Jason also went with me to visit my daughter. I fell in love with my daughter for the first time. It should have been that way when I gave birth to her, but that just shows that you need the right mind set in order to appreciate what a blessing a child is. She was four and one of the most beautiful things that I had ever seen. The family that has been taking care of her wanted to adopt. She told me that her husband has never wanted anything as bad as wanting to keep this little girl. She said that I can always keep visiting as long as it didn't interfere with her growing. Adoption can get confusing, but she is one smart kid. I signed custody to her and her family. Jason was my rock through all of this. I still continue to see my daughter. She will be 14 this June. She is such a great child.
My son I don't see unless I run into them at a market or something. We use to visit him all the time, but the other girls that she adopted couldn't figure out why their moms weren't visiting them and felt unloved. I stopped seeing him for their sake. These children were taken out of abusive homes to begin with and I couldn't bare the thought of hurting them. My son knew her as his mom. I thank God for all that he was able to do for all of my children. He placed all these angels into my life to save my kids.
Even through all of this I still had not believed in the Lord, yet. The Story is less eventful through to the end but it does explain how I came to the Him. Please keep reading, we are almost to present.
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